You get winded playing chess.
Your knees buckle and your belt won’t.
Your actions “creak” louder than words.
You take pills and not stairs, two at a time.
Your back goes out more often than you do.
The only thing you exercise anymore is caution.
You spot your childhood toys at antique malls.
Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
You sit in a rocking chair and you can’t get it going.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
A postage stamp costs more than a movie did when you were a kid.
You are asked to slow down by your doctor instead of a cop.
You have many fond memories, but can’t remember them
You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
You can hide your own Easter eggs.
The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your trifocals.
Your children begin to look middle aged.
You join a health club and never go.
A fortune teller offers to read your face.
There’s too much room in the house but not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your doctor recommends you don’t buy any green bananas.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
Your arms have become too short to read the newspaper.
You know your way around, but you don’t feel like going.
The bird perched outside your window is a buzzard.
You look both ways before crossing a room.
Someone complements you on your alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
Your Social Security number has three digits.
You consider coffee one of the basic food groups.
You light the candles on your Birthday Cake and a group of campers
form a circle around it and start singing “Cumbaya.”
You need oxygen after blowing out your birthday candles.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
At cafeterias, you complain the Jello is too tough.
The waiter asks you how you’d like your steak and you say “pureed.”
It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
Your grandchildren are studying in History what you studied in Current Events.
You don’t care where your spouse goes, as long as you don’t have to go along.
You finally got it all together, but can’t remember where you put it.
You stand in front of your mirror trying to remember where you’ve seen that person before.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your head makes plans your body can’t keep.
You know all the answers to the questions no one is asking.
You’re still playing with a full deck, but your shuffle is slower.
You finally stop lying about your age and begin bragging about it.
Your pharmacy bill is higher than your grocery bill.
People call you at 7 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
You send money to PBS.
You get a Senior Citizen’s Discount without asking.
You take a metal detector when you go to the beach.
You beat everyone else at trivia games.
Lawn care is the highlight of your life.
You look down and your socks don’t match and you just don’t care.
You know you’re from Minnesota when….
You were thrilled to get a miniature snow shovel for your third birthday.
You’ll do anything to go ice fishing.
You buy Christmas presents at Farm Fleet.
You think “Fast Food” is hitting a moose at 65 mph.
You know someone who was the “Dairy Princess” at the county fair.
You have driven your car on a lake.
Your local gas station sells live bait.
You believe the start of deer season is a national holiday.