Over, Under and Mis-Statements

By politicians and others…

If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.

I stand by all the mis-statements I may or may not have made.

It isn’t pollution that’s hurting our environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that’s doing it.
He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

Mistakes are the primary cause of accidents.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

Things are more like they are now than they’ve ever been.

He’s 31 years old—that will give you an idea of how old he is.

Wherever I travel in the United States, I find Americans.

When it comes to ruining a painting, she’s an artist.

He said it was a 50-50 chance. Really, it was just the opposite.

Half the game of baseball is 90% mental.

I’ve been traveling so much, I haven’t had time to grow a beard.

I’m determined to meet you in the morning, whether you come or not.

A person can’t be in two places at the same time unless he was a bird.

We only have one person to blame, and that’s each other.

There are over 2 million people living in the USA without a decent burial.

I want to be sure that everyone who has a job wants a job.

Capital punishment is our society’s recognition of the sanctity of human life.

She is known all over the world and in other places besides.

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.

I never said I had no idea of the things you said I said I had no idea about.

We in the Senate are not such fools as we look.

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.

The female teachers were instructed in cooking through the process of cooking themselves.

I want to score 15 or 20 points – whichever comes first.

Things will come out even 99 times out of ten.

The best way to pass a cow on the road is to keep behind it.

We should expel all Americans who cannot recite Washington’s Gettysburg Address.

Not counting all the murders, our state has one of the lowest homicide rates in the country.

That person deserves to be kicked to death by a mule and I’m just the one to do it.

Half the lies my opponent said about me are not true.

All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen Hand.

While I write this letter, I have a pistol in one hand and a sword in the other.

Many of them did not even have the goods many of them possessed.

The cup of our trouble is running over, but is not yet half full.

This is the worst natural disaster in our state since I was elected governor.

A number of students in our school are involved in having some knowledge of certain subjects, particularly English.

If King James English was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me.

Equal Rights were created for everyone.

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

We have made too many wrong mistakes.

The similarities between my Dad and I are different.

I move that all fire extinguishers be tested ten days before every fire.

We need laws that protect everyone, straights and gays, regardless of sexual perversion.

He’s an unusual man with a bright future behind him.

If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.

Ours is the greatest country in America.

I hope that we may turn the barren hills of our state into fruitful valleys.

No current unmet needs now exist, and current unmet needs that are being met will continue to be met.

This strategy represents our policy for all time, until it is changed.

I’m the football coach around here and don’t you remember it.

I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.

I may make other mistakes in the future, but it will certainly be with great forethought.

It’s not a matter of life and death: it’s more important than that.

If Abe Lincoln were alive today to hear this he’d roll over in his grave.

Abe Lincoln was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.

Speed kills, and, if you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.

Why can’t Jews and Arabs just settle their differences like good Christians?

I read part of the book all the way through.

All we hear about today is the negative side of nuclear war. Nuclear weapons can’t help but have a great impact on the general population.

Some omissions will also appear in this edition.

That picture was taken out of context and could permanently hurt a person indefinitely.

It’s impossible for a person to be in two places at the same time, especially if there’s a great distance between them.

If you put that politician on an uninhabited island, within 24 hours he’d have his hands in the pocket of every naked savage.

The police do not create disorder.  Their job is to maintain disorder.

Many under-populated countries in Africa are vastly under-polluted.

Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore, it’s too crowded.

He’s living beyond his means but he can afford it.

Low income is a major reason for being a member of a poor family.

If it rains in this afternoon, the parade will take place this morning.

I have not reneged on my campaign promise, I have just changed my mind.

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, we are pleased to announce her appointment.

I’m for abolishing, eradicating and permanently doing away with redundancy.

I have reiterated over and over what I’ve continually said before.

We must restore to our city all the things it’s never had.

The deceased left no children behind him except his brother.

His reputation preceded him before he came here.

On this pistol range, over 800 people have learned gun safety. Be patriotic and learn to shoot yourself.

Information management requires organizing data into logical component ideas that are user-friendly.

Our team was leading in the fourth inning: four to four.

You call this a script?  Give me a couple of script writers and I’ll write it myself.

About half of all newborn babies are either boys or girls.

George and Tom and I are two of a kind.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

I usually take a 2-hour nap from one o’clock to four.

If I had said that I wouldn’t have been allowed to.

These are not my own statistics I’m quoting, they’re from someone who really knows what she’s talking about.
The only way to stop suicide is to make it a capital offense, punishable by death.

I will draw my sword and not stop firing until I’ve proven every statement.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am.  I am filled with humidity.

It gets late really very early in Arizona.

The time is here and is rapidly approaching.

If you come to a fork in the road:  take it.

I don’t want to tell any half-truths unless they are completely accurate.

The issue was resolved unanimously with only two people who did not vote.

There’s a lot of uncertainty that’s not clear in my mind.

When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results.

I am not indecisive. Am I indecisive?

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Fortunately, the rebels had no guns except knives and cutlasses.

The wind was blowing about 95 degrees Fahrenheit.

The secret of a winning streak is to maximize victories and minimize defeats.

His good wife and his faithful hound greeted him with a loving bark.

That’s the most unheard of thing I’ve never heard of.

Moderation ought never to be practiced to excess.

Analogies – The worst ever written in High School essays…

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had and eerie quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her date was nice enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie, this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “the Second Tall Man”.

He was deeply in love with her. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Her eyes were like round pools, only someone had forgotten to put in the chlorine.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

It hurt they way your tongue hurts when you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

She was as skinny as soup made from the shadow of a chicken that was starved to death.

He didn’t fall in live with her all at once. She slowly grew on him, like fungus on the west side of a tree.

Yes, granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left outside so long it had rusted shut.

The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of Wheel of Fortune.

The young man had a hungry look, like the kind you get from not eating for awhile.

He spoke from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without using one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without using one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

The politician was gone, but unnoticed, like the dot after “Dr” on a Dr. Pepper can.

Captain Cook made three voyages around the world, but died during the first one.

Long separated by cruel fate, the lovers raced across the field toward each other like 2 freight trains, one having left Phoenix at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 m.p.h. and the other from Tucson at 4:19 pm at a speed of 65 m.p.h.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real lame duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Her sense of intuition was refined, like someone who can tell real butter from “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” butter.

It was so dark in there, there wasn’t any light around. Like a blind man in a cave looking for a black cat that wasn’t there.

Maxim of the Moment

Divorces are often caused by two people madly in love with themselves.