Divorce and God

Why is divorce so painful?
Because two hearts that have become one, are ripped out of the same chest.
Contrary to popular myth, divorce is almost never “no-fault.”
Most divorces involve unfaithfulness.

Basic reasons for divorce include:
1. The couple stopped communicating
2. They became ego-centric (playing the “me first” game)
3. They grew apart, instead of together

In most divorce cases, one or both of the partners simply was not willing to commit totally to the other person.

One divorced man told me, “I listened too much to the TV form of marriage—the sensuality, the cozy home, the wedding bed I thought our mutual love would make everything easy.  No one told us about the adjustments we’d go through, the pressures of jobs, children, etc. One day reality set in. We looked at the dirty dishes, the hassle of making meals, her stretch marks, having to take out the garbage, car repairs, etc. I guess we really weren’t ready to get married in the first place.”

People often avoid taking responsibility for their choices. They say things such as “I didn’t fail: my marriage failed.” But marriage can’t exist in the abstract; marriage exists within two people. Marriages do not fail, people do. Divorce always happens because one or both of the pair somewhere failed to keep God’s laws.

Who is to blame if a couple jumps into a hasty marriage?
Why didn’t you court the person longer?
Did you really know them very well at all?

It’s often too late to answer those questions when one of you phones the divorce attorney. “How did I get myself into this?” isn’t the question.  Rather be asking, “How can I fix the problem? Must we really divorce?” The answer is No!

Perhaps you got married on sandy ground instead of on the solid rock of Jesus Christ. But you can know Him personally. And He will never tell you that you must divorce because the going got rough. He is the Master of every circumstance.

You can change your situation with God’s help.

There is room at the cross for the divorcee! The woman who had five husbands, and was shacking up with a man at the time that was not her husband, was ministered to directly by Jesus Himself. Jesus told the accusers of the woman caught in adultery that anyone without sin could cast the first brick.  Paul addresses those who were previously fornicators, but are now “washed, justified and sanctified” in I Corinthians 6. So don’t throw stones at those involved in marital struggles, which you, only by God’s grace, have avoided in your own marriage.

Very few couples divorce for trivial reasons, considering it only as a last resort. Most couples who have considered divorce don’t really want a divorce. They just have stopped believing they can make their marriage work. Divorce is just an illustration of what happens when God’s marital instructions are ignored.  Because of the lies Satan has told America through the media, couples have an extremely surreal concept of marriage. Divorce is always on the back-burner as an option. The truth is that a marriage without God is a leaky vessel, doomed from the moment it is christened as an unsinkable ship. Satan will sabotage it if he can.

Four Common Post-Marital Problems:

1. No one ever fully gets over a divorce, they only learn to cope with it.

2. Divorce is like a death in the family. There are stages of mourning and grief very similar to losing a close relative. At a funeral, there is usually someone you can lean on, but who is there to comfort you after you leave the divorce court? For the divorcees, there is no funeral; there is no true closure. Marital statistic compilers all agree that divorce is the most traumatic experience a human can suffer, second only to the death of a loved one. There is no way that a few minutes of divorce proceedings can dissolve the years a couple has had together.

3. Cute phrases and platitudes from friends are no help. Such as:  “It’s all behind you now. Now you can move on with your life. You’re footloose and fancy free now. You have your whole life ahead of you.” But these maxims roll off tongues far too easily.

4. The children always suffer. Sure, they will have friends at school who don’t have bio-dad or bio-mom at home either, but that never really helps a child to adjust. One child of divorced parents said recently, “Now there is a stranger in the house that isn’t daddy.”  Who allows the children to grieve? Who can explain to them why they must relocate? Most divorced moms are financially challenged and the children also share these financial losses. Now the single mom or dad has to try to explain how the children’s bio-dad or mom is suddenly “the bad person who got us into this mess.”  And there is often the battle for the children, if not for actual custody. There is a competition for their affections.

5. After the divorce, there is the “Where do I go from here?” question that must be answered. The usual answer is “I’ll find the right person, then I’ll have that happy marriage I dreamed of.” The divorced woman soon becomes lonely. She misses the leadership in the home that she had hoped for and often marries the first man who seems likely to fill that role.  She may even marry in haste to spite the ex-husband, to show him that she can have a happy life without him. And so the cycle of unhappiness begins all over again. Deep down, the divorced person suspects that their marriage might have worked, if only they had done things differently.

But why live life in remorse and regret? You don’t have to get divorced! You can get help and counseling! The Lord Jesus will assist you! You can have a happy life together! The Lord has ordained marriage, and He has provided no easy road out of it. He expects you to make it work and He is right there to help you in every area of life.

Maxim of the Moment

Love is made sweet by compliments; not commands.