Marital Maxims

Marriage is an ocean of emotion with an immense expense.

Marriages may be made in heaven – but so are thunder and lightening.

Marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4).

Marriage halves our grief, doubles our joys and quadruples our expenses.

Marriage is a public confession of a private intention.

Marriage has many thorns: but the single life has few roses.

Marriage: A state of antagonistic cooperation.

Marriages are manufactured in heaven; but the man is still responsible for the maintenance.

Marriage with a good woman is a harbor in the tempest of life: with a bad one, it’s a tempest in the harbor.

Marriage takes place after the altar: not at it.

Marriage can be a battlefield or a rose bed.

Marriage can be trial-and-error: if the wedding is an error, the rest is a trial.

Marriage vows are easier said than done.

Marriage fools a housekeeper into thinking she’s a homeowner.

Marriage should be courtship for eternity.

Marriage is an experiment frequently tried.

Marriage is like buying on credit: you see something you like, you take it home, you pay for it later.

Marriage is like eating with chopsticks: it’s looks easy until you try it.

Marriage can become a mirage. 

“The Last Word” is a most dangerous thing: a couple should no more fight for it than they would for a live grenade.

Her husband’s eye is the only honest mirror in which a wife can see her true beauty.

To dominate does not bring forth love…only resistance.

Divorce: the hash made from domestic scraps.

The bonds of matrimony are like savings bonds: they take time to mature.

A woman always remembers when she got married: a man needs to remember why.

A wife may love a husband who never corrects her, but she’ll never respect him.

He who lets his wife go to every party and his horse drink from every puddle will have neither a good wife nor a good horse.

He was a dude before he was married…now he’s subdued.

He gave her an inch….now she’s the ruler.

When the wife wears the trousers, the husband wears the panties.

Nobody weeps with a henpecked husband.

He says he rules the roost…but his wife rules the rooster.

Happy is the deaf man with a nagging wife.

It’s a sorry house where the old hen crows and the rooster is silent.

Better to be nibbled to death by vultures than picked to death by a hen.

Fleas and a nagging wife are unwelcome in bed.

God save the man from the wife who is an angel in church.and a devil at home.

He who lives without fighting is called a bachelor.

He who has a pretty wife needs more than two eyes.

He that loves his wife loves himself (Ephesians 5:28).

He who speaks ill of his wife dishonors himself.

Give honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel (I Peter 3:7).

A good wife and health are a man’s best wealth.

A man’s best possession is a loving wife.

Every married man should believe there is only one good wife in the world: his own.

A prudent wife is from the Lord (Proverbs 19:14).

The sweetest thing is life is the welcome of a wife.

Some wives get flowers only twice in life: once when married and once when buried.

Some women work so hard at making good husbands, they fail to make good wives.

The ideal wife is a perfect lady in the living room, a good cook in the kitchen, and a fire in the bedroom.

A wife should put off her complaints with her clothes.

Dress to meet others – but undress to meet your husband.

A bad husband cannot be a good man.

Each husband gets the fidelity – or infidelity – he deserves.

If a man marries a girl for her money, he’ll earn every penny of it.

Marry for money and you’ll starve for love.

For a little land, some take a fool by the hand.

When a young girl marries an old man, she builds herself a golden cage.

A young woman married to an old man must behave like an old woman.

An old man who marries a young girl buys a book for someone else to read.

It’s a bad idea for May to marry December:
A marriage is best in tune when the wife is May and the husband is June.

If a man marries a queen, he’ll be her servant.

What God has joined together, let no man put asunder (Matthew 19:6).

Every couple is not a pair.

When she gives you her hand….there is no remedy.

Faults are thick where love is thin.

Wedlock can be a padlock.

The man who marries a spendthrift must enjoy earning money.

Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them (Colossians 3:18-19).

A good wife makes a good husband: a good Jill makes a good Jack.

A good husband makes a good wife: his rib is the best part of his body.

Wives, be in subjection to your own husbands (I Peter 3:1).

The wise wife rules her husband by her obedience.

God will bless the man who blesses his wife.

A husband should be the “house-band”: binding the home together.

If the husband won’t keep sugar in the cupboard, it’s no wonder the wife gets sour.

If she can put up with me, she should not be put down by me.

Our wagon of care rolls lightly as we pull together, and when it gets heavy, we love each other all the more…and thus lighten the load.

A great wife is better than a great income.

Heaven bless our wives – they fill our hives with little bees and honey.
  They smooth the shocks and mend our socks—and they don’t spend the money.

The Holy Spirit is saying to newlyweds: “Great wedding; now please invite Me to the marriage.”

If we marry in haste, we’ll repent slowly.

All men do not know their wives well; but all wives know their husbands perfectly.

A wedding is like a brief introduction to a long book.

Marriage vows should be seen as saying grace before the banquet.

The honeymoon is over when you stifle yawns instead of sighs.

There’s more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed.

I wish, said he, you could make pies like mama used to bake.
And I, said she, wish you made the dough papa used to make.

A hasty marriage is a moment of honey and a lifetime of vinegar.

Bigamy is having one husband too many: for some wives, monogamy is also.

The maximum penalty for bigamy is two mothers-in-law.

Just how wise was Solomon if he had 1,000 mothers-in-law?

Marriage is unfair. When two people are under the influence of the most insane and delusive of passions, they are required to swear they will remain in that excited, abnormal, emotional condition
continuously till death they do part.

To keep your marriage overflowing with love in the cup; when you’re wrong: admit it; when you’re right, shut-up.

His wife was a good house-keeper: when they divorced, she kept the house.

The latest Barbie doll is “Divorce Barbie” –
  it comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s SUV, Ken’s Boat and Ken’s motorcycle.

She told me if I want breakfast in bed, I’ll have to sleep in the kitchen.

Marital problems result when you stop dating and start intimidating.

They forgot in the word “wedding”, the “we” comes before the “I”.

They dug their marital grave with a series of little ‘digs’.

She calls him “Handsome”: when he has money, she says “Hand some over”.

She never let her husband finish one sentence –  except “I do”.

The last major decision she let him make was whether to wash or dry.

They married for better or worse:
  he couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.

Don’t “bring home the bacon”…..and forget the sugar.

She called him her “Brown Sugar” because he’s sweet but unrefined.

A man may lead a woman to the altar: but his leadership must not stop there.

We got married because we have so many faults in common..

Woman was formed by God – out of his side to be equal, from under his arm for protection, and near his heart to be loved.

The bonds of matrimony don’t profit you unless the interest is kept up.

Success in marriage isn’t finding the right person: it’s being the right person.

A husband is a person who expects his wife to be perfect – and to understand why he isn’t.

Many “storybook marriages” are just fairy-tales.

A woman worries about the future till she gets a husband:
  a man never worries about the future till he gets a wife.

You don’t marry a person: you marry a personality.

A wedding is an event: a good marriage is an achievement.

A beautiful ring won’t make a beautiful marriage.

Don’t make marriage a three–ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Some include the words “till death us to part” just for laughs.

A budget is what you stay within when you go without.

The wedding vows do not read “till debt do us part.”

Some wives know all the answers: they’ve been listening to them for years.

Newspaper ad: For sale. Wedding dress, size 7, worn once, by mistake.

The trouble with the state of matrimony is the unwillingness to be governed by the laws of the union.

A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood.

Men dream in courtship – but in wedlock, wake.

Love is blind: marriage is an eye-opener.

The Bible is the only compass by which to safely navigate The Sea of Matrimony .

Men are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water won’t make ‘em tender.

God help the man searching for the perfect woman…and God help him more when he finds her.

A girl wants nothing but a husband, and after she gets one…..wants everything.

A good marriage is like a pair of scissors; joined inseparably, sometimes moving in
  opposite directions…. but always punishing anyone who comes between them.

Marriage can bring a terrible loneliness unknown to the unmarried.

When a girl marries, she often gives up the attention of several men for the inattention of one.

If you won’t wear a second-hand dress, don’t marry a second-hand husband.

You move toward your Golden Anniversary by following the Golden Rule.

A tenth wedding anniversary is hard to celebrate: it’s too soon to brag and too late to complain.

Hollywood is just one big family: everyone is related by marriage – or soon will be.

Courtship is the era of a girl’s life which comes between the lipstick and the broomstick.

An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merge.

The honeymoon is the era between dating and debating.

A girl may not remember all the events she studied in her history classes….but she’ll remember all her dates.

Some girls pursue learning and some learn pursuing.

The easier a guy is to pick up, the harder he is to drop.

Their marriage failed because she stopped knitting and began needling.

She believed in dreams until she married one.

An adult education begins with a teen-age marriage.

She used to darn her husbands socks: now she socks her darned husband.

She was so hard, the only thing that made an impression on her was a diamond.

The only state which permits a woman to work more than eight hours a day is the state of matrimony.

Sleep with one eye open, sir: Adam fell asleep and woke up married.

Wedding cake is the only food that can cause you indigestion for the rest of your life.

People cry at weddings for it’s no laughing matter.

There’s nothing wrong with the institution of marriage but the personnel who work there.

Divorces are often caused by two people madly in love with themselves.

The world is suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married couple.

The best music to have in your home is domestic harmony.

What happened to the old-fashioned girl? You’ll find her happy at home with her husband and children.

The best thing you can save for your old age is each other.

Maxim of the Moment

The bankrupt man is the man who has lost his enthusiasm. - H.W. Arnold