Without a vision for your marriage, wedlock can become a deadlock. Many couples never attempt to “get behind the eyes” of their spouse and see things from their perspective. A person usually listens to their mates through one of three primary filters:
This is a very logical individual often heard to say, “Let me think about that” or “Let’s sleep on it.” They often tend to procrastinate and do more thinking than doing.
This type of spouse filters things through their emotions. They will say, “I can read you like a book” or “I can see right through you.” They often agree with their mate quickly, but only to avoid feelings of rejection.
This person believes words represent action. They want to see things done. They are intolerant of verbiage not backed by deeds.
In short, the Logistician thinks with the head, the Emotionalist with the heart, and the Activist with the hands. Try to fit yourself into one of their categories in order to enhance communications.
A vision for your marriage is not an obscure dream. Specific and clear marital goals are essential to happiness. It is a screen through which all major marital decisions are filtered. Vision affects emotions and priorities. It is a portrait of your future together. It serves as a defense against infidelity, for visionary couples build confidence in each other. It helps you see yourselves as soul mates rather than cellmates.
A dream marriage becomes reality when an attitude of love prevails as problems are addressed. Timing is not everything…but it is important. James warns us to be “slow to speak” (Jas. 1:19). Couples with a clear vision for their future select their discussions carefully and prayerfully. They don’t accuse or stonewall. They do not abuse the other mentally, spiritually, physically, or emotionally. They avoid allowing heated conversations to escalate. They learn to exit arguments agreeably. They know how to make up after a quarrel. They are conscious of the other’s body language when they talk. They make sure their own body language matches their speech and tonal inflections. They think positive.
Visionary couples maintain Biblical standards of respect and mutual submission (Eph. 5:21). They understand marriage is complementary rather than competitive. They believe in each other and are quick to forgive. They are committed to make their home a sanctuary where both enjoy each other’s company.