1. Increase office productivity by holding daily two-hour meetings on how to increase office productivity.

2. Reward yourself for working out at the gym with a sundae or cheesecake.

3. For an anniversary gift, give your spouse a membership at a weight-loss clinic.

4. Keep a spare car key in the trunk.

5. Take your sick days on national holidays.

6. If you are quietly circulating your resume, list your boss as a reference.

7. Give your presentations in mime.

8. Drive all over town looking for the cheapest gasoline.

9. As soon as you arrive at the airport, check to make sure you have your tickets.

10. To thwart car-jackers, leave “The Club” on while you drive.

11. When negotiating with a car dealer, take out your checkbook and say “I’ll take it!  How much?”

12. Show your boss your new computer game.

13. Keep your driver’s license in your safety-deposit box.

14. Send your cat to obedience school.


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